Have you ever asked yourself the question, “who am I?” If you have, you’re certainly not alone. The question of personal identity has been a recurrent topic of human thought throughout the ages, and is likely one that each of us has encountered or will encounter some day. This is not just a question of the philosophers; rather, it is the fundamental question that drives most of us to do what we do. In a sense, our lives are a long labor to figure out who we are and define our names.
Especially in Western Culture today, the question of identity is key. In fact, one could say that Western society is experiencing a wave of identity confusion, which can be seen in the tsunami of gender dysphoria, fakery on social media, and suicides. The question slithering like a leviathan beneath this sea of unrest is “who am I really?” And, as individualism has prospered in the last century, we have been told that we get to decide who we are really and that it is up to each one of us to search our souls and make sense of what’s there. However, as we have become more introspective and unmoored from universal values, we have gotten no closer to discovering “who” we are, and have rather discovered “what” we are: confused, lost, and alone.
However, as Christians we have the answer, right? We are each a “beloved child of God,” and we must learn to “place our identity in Christ.” But, for anyone who has wrestled or is wrestling with who they are at the core, it is often difficult to know how these words translate to experience. We have probably all come to the realization at some point in our life that we are prone to build our identity on ground other than Jesus. But the tricky bit is that, like a branching vine, our identity has tangled itself in other things and we’re not sure how to extricate it and place it in Jesus alone. In fact, we often don’t even really know what that means at all.
I firmly believe that the revolutionary answer of the gospel to the question of personal identity is to identify with Christ. It is fitting, after all, that we should find our core identity in God’s revelation of his core identity in Jesus. But, the simple phrase, “place your identity in Jesus” has not proved to be explanation enough in my own search for identity, and so, in this article, I would like to explore further what it means to place identity in Christ. I argue that our sense of identity is not only constructed by who we are on the inside, but also what we are a part of on the outside—it’s not only about being, but also about belonging. To put it in literary terms, the identity of a character in a book is not only defined by their individual particularities, but also by the larger story that they belong to. In summary, two key, interrelated definers of identity I would like to highlight are belonging and story, which I will attempt to demonstrate and define using two books I’ve read this summer
Mushrooms and Belonging
Thanks to a friend who invited some other friends and I mushroom hunting about a year ago, I have developed a fascination with mushrooms. And, as the fascination was growing, I stumbled upon an intriguing book on fungi titled, Entangled Life: How Fungi Make Our Worlds, Change Our Minds, & Shape our Future by Merlin Sheldrake. The contents of the book ranged from descriptions of the “zombie fungus” that brain-controls ants, to the possibility of using fungus to digest plastics and reduce toxic waste. However, the part of the book that I found especially interesting was the author’s reflection on the meaning of identity inspired by fungi. One of the main themes, as hinted at by the title Entangled Life, is how fungi is deeply interwoven into our existence and the complex thriving of the natural world. One specific example he gives is lichen.
If you have ever been to a rocky lake shore, you have likely seen lichen clustered on the rocks near the water, like a brittle sort of moss. Lichen is seemingly a simple organism; however, Sheldrake shows that lichen is in fact a complex interweaving of individual parts, like algae, fungi, and other organisms, which form a wholly new organism that is more equipped to thrive in its environment than any of the sub-organisms would be on their own. He uses lichen as a framework to explore the relation of individuality to community. This phenomenon of the natural world is rich in analogy.
As a sort of mental experiment, imagine that the fungal element of a lichen is trying to figure out who it is. If this fungal element was a modern individualist, it would isolate itself and inspect its own individual traits. It would try to find and celebrate those things that make it stand apart from all the rest of the blooming, chirping, and roaring earth. However, it is not only those things that make it stand apart that are important to its identity; it is also those things that make it stand together. From our broader perspective, we realize that a very important aspect of this fungal element’s identity is that it is part of a lichen. But not only does the fungal element’s individual identity gain sharper distinction in light of the whole, its individual purpose is only found in how it contributes to the whole. Individual purpose ultimately comes from belonging and contributing to something larger than ourselves. Through the example of the lichen, one sees how a vital part of a thriving and durable community are the tangled lives of individuals with their distinct identity traits.
Noticing this, Sheldrake strays to the opposite extreme of modern individualism, using the picture of the symbiotic nature of lichen to blur the lines between individual and whole. In his words, “The word individual comes from the Latin meaning “undividable.” Is the whole lichen the individual? Or are its constituent members, the parts, the individuals? Is this even the right question to ask?” 1 However, I think a better and more balanced perspective on this tension between the individual and the community is Paul’s description of the church as “one body with many members” in 1 Corinthians 12.
In order to paint the ideal for the Church, Paul emphasizes the importance that the individuals in a church are fully themselves (e.g. a foot is a foot and an eye is an eye) in order that the church can reach its full potential. Instead of allowing the tension between individuals and the whole to blur the lines, Paul argues that the tension between the whole and the parts clarifies each one. The individual is truly meaningful in light of the whole that they are a part of, and the whole is truly beautiful in light of the many individuals that compliment one another in forming it. So, just as the individual traits of algae and fungi complement one another in the forming of lichen, so also the individual traits of each one of us Christians complement one another in the forming of the church. And, if you feel lost and wonder who you are, the answer to this question is not merely to figure out who you are in isolation, but also who you are in community.
Tolkien and Story
Another theme of identity, closely related to belonging, is story. Recently, I finished the Silmarillion, by J. R. R. Tolkien, which is basically the mythology and history providing background for his more famous work, The Lord of the Rings, and it provides a great example of how story and belonging deepen identity. Whatever one’s opinions of Tolkien and his works, one thing we must agree on was that he was a literary maniac. Part of what has made the Lord of the Rings such a classic is the extent and depth that he went to in order to make the world of Middle Earth coherent and realistic. It is not enough that The Lord of the Rings is filled with a list of names that could almost fill a book on their own, but each of these characters and their people groups have their own histories, each complete with different languages (which Tolkien actually constructed), as well having names with full etymologies that he created according to the various languages they speak. This depth of history is not only impressive, it is beautiful. There is something about the threads of national and linguistic history woven into his characters that sends shivers down my spine as I read. And I think that this is the essence of the power of story.
Purpose and story are two very interrelated concepts. Who we are now is brought into fuller meaning in light of who we were and who we will be, and Tolkien’s works demonstrate this on a broader scale: our individual identity is brought into fuller meaning and clarity in light of the broader story that we are a part of. We all belong to layers upon layers of story. Our individual story is interwoven with the stories of others, which are all part of the broader stories of communities and nations, finally culminating in the story of God himself. For this reason, when trying to make sense of our identity, it is vital to not only explore the depths of our own soul, but also to allow our souls to explore the depth of the stories that we are a part of.
We in modern Western society live in a mental age. And, I think that Descartes is at least partly to blame. In case you do not know much about Descartes, he was basically a man who decided to sit by a fire in his living room and figure out if he existed. He threw out any truth that was tainted by even the slightest bit of doubt. Therefore, since his senses could easily be mistaken or deceived, he could not base any truth on what was outside of his mind, rather he had to look within. And, it was deep in his little gray cells, as the fire crackled, that Descartes came to his epiphany: “I think therefore I am.” Now, I am not taking issue with Descartes on any philosophical grounds, in fact I think that he is likely on to something. Rather, I am saying that this is not a motto to live by. There are times when we must stop thinking and just be. There are times to rise from that chair beside the fireplace and go outside just to look at some birds or trees or something. Sometimes, we need to stop thinking and start looking around and outside of ourselves.
It seems that Descartes’ revelation “I think, therefore I am” has swept through the West like a wind. In light of this revelation, if we ever are confused about who we are, the answer seems to be that we need to think more. Although Descartes was almost certainly not trying to set up a system of societal thought, he seems to have accomplished it quite nicely. And throughout Western society, the search for personal identity seems to be synonymous with introspection. However, when we are confused about who we are and why we feel and think the way we do, maybe the answer isn’t always to retreat into our minds to “find ourselves.” Maybe sometimes, we should simply allow ourselves to be and let ourselves find us. Although the modern, individualist impulse is to look deep within ourselves and tell ourselves who we are, often what we need most of all is to be told who we are by the one who created us in all of our intricacy.
This practice of looking outside of ourselves and attending to the stories that we are a part of not only grounds our identity, but also clears our minds. In my opinion, one of the great dangers of modern individualism is over-introspection. The modern search for identity is the equivalent of staring at yourself in the mirror until your own face becomes foreign and strange. Too much introspection leads to insanity. I can vouch for this fact. However, simply paying attention to your surroundings can reground our sense of identity, especially for those of us who tend to be too caught up in our head. God did not create us as mere brains floating in a vat, but with arms, legs, and a big, wide world around us. Just as too much introspection in our daily life can lead to insanity, too much introspection in our Christian life can lead to a sort of spiritual psychosis. And therefore, it is important, when placing our identity in Christ, to not only look deep within ourselves and our personal relationship with God, but also look outside of ourselves at our relationship with the church and with God’s work in the world at large. Put simply, an important part of identifying with Christ is identifying with the work and movement he has initiated. And honestly, I think it’s easy for us Western Christians to overemphasize looking within ourselves when trying to place our identity in Christ. After all, the term “individual” is only truly meaningful in light of the whole.
Where do we go from here?
Let’s assume that you have been convinced that finding our identity is as much looking outside of ourselves as looking within. But, how does this actually affect our search for identity practically? Well, the implications are fairly simple. When you feel lost, like you don’t know who you are, often, the only solution to this dilemma seems to be to retreat to some mountain cabin by yourself and search the depths of your soul. But it’s just as important to look outside of yourself at your community, responsibilities, opportunities, and especially your place in the Biblical story. Don’t misunderstand me, meditation and introspection are quite important, but they are not all-important. In fact, even when we discover the depths of our individuality through introspection, the only place that this individuality finds ultimate purpose is in community and relationship. So maybe, when trying to figure out who you are, it is just as important to spend time with others as with yourself. Maybe it’s just as vital to seek out who God is as it is to seek out who you are. Maybe we find ourselves just as much in the pages of the Bible as in the pages of our journal. And, I know that I have often found a better perspective on myself in a great story, than in a self-help book. After all, our individuality only has ultimate meaning and purpose in light of the fact that we are a part of a story larger than ourselves. And, one of the first things I often find when I introspect is that, as an individual, I long to be part of something much bigger than just me. Furthermore, I don’t just want to know myself, I want to be known and to belong. Therefore, let’s pay close attention to the story of the gospel and revelation in Jesus of who God is and what he is doing. Since, it is in this story that we find the fundamental force that draws us outside of self-centered introspection: love. And the revelation of this love is both a discovery of God’s love for us as individuals and an inspiration to pour out this love into the community. In other words, it’s both introspective and outward flowing. So, let’s introspect a little less and love a little more, and in this way we paint a fuller picture of our individual identity, not only its being but also the story to which it belongs.
